It’s 10.24 pm, I’m lying in bed, I’ve taken a couple of valium about 4-5 hours ago that have long since worn off, I’m exhausted from a rough night with my children, yet I cannot sleep. My heart is racing, and I have a sober anxiety, I know a drink will fix it, but I’m doing everything I can to abstain.
12 days sober
Today marks 12 days sober, I’ve been overall feeling great throughout the day, but tonight I didn’t hit up the gym, I felt I needed a rest day. But that doesn’t seem to matter too much, it’s this anxiety kicks in every single night. Some nights it’s worse than others, but tonight, it has escalated.
My heart is racing, I literally feel like I’m running a marathon in my body yet I can’t move. I’ve spent the evening doused in a lavender Epsom salts bath, I’ve rested, I’ve taken anxiety medication, yet I’m still experiencing heart palpatations. My symptoms include:
- The shakes
- racing heart
- anxious thoughts
- inability to sleep
Despite these withdrawal anxiety / panic attack symptoms, I’m starting to experience overall positive physical symptoms including:
- Redness in my face subsiding
- General increased energy through the day
- No hangovers
- Better bowels
- Weight gain (this isn’t a positive, but could be a combination of my period and eating some extra sugar).
This anxiety is almost unbearable and every night I have gotten it. Some nights I’ve had a cigarette and this has certainly taken the edge off, but I don’t want to replace one addiction with another. I think the next steps for me are to be to see a doctor about getting some anti-anxiety medication that isn’t addictive.
Whilst I have anti-depressant medication on hand, I 100% know that I am not depressed as this is textbook anxiety.