So I’ve hit a milestone, I’m 3 weeks sober today, 3 weeks since I quit drinking, 3 weeks since I’ve committed to changing my life forever. Today has been a tough day overall, the kids are challenging and both on the verge of being sick and I’m beyond exhausted because I’ve been hitting the gym hard and probably going through the stages of detox.

Every day is a challenge, and I am surprising myself that the anxiety to drink has dissipated, I haven’t yet fully commenced the steps, but I am feeling better and happier. As I spoke to my sponsor today, I was talking to her about how I am sleeping. Whilst I have been taking valium earlier in the evening, I’ve been noticing that I am sleeping heavier than ever until last night.

Last night I went to sleep easily, but I was having vivid dreams, I can’t recall what I dreamt of, but it was insane. I find it strange how in one way my sleep is heavy, yet in another way it is light.

Overall I just feel exhausted, my body is having to reset itself and to curb the alcohol cravings I’ve been using cigarettes which isn’t ideal. My emotions seem fairly stagnant overall, at night I feel anxious, during the day I range from highly productive to completely flat, I can’t predict which way I will go.

So far my strategies for remaining sober have been:

• Valium (in the evenings and only as needed)
• Gym – weight training and occasional cardio
• Art – I did this before my art but have been immersing myself in line art
• Drinking water – This is something I didn’t do well before my sobriety.
• Smoking – I don’t want to keep this habit, but it has helped when I have been extremely anxious

One things that I have also noticed is the amount of flash backs I’m starting to have, flashbacks dated back years. These flash backs range from good to bad, and are bringing up part of my past that I had perhaps hidden with alcohol.

The one thing that seems to also be going is my confidence overall, before when I was drinking, even though I did’t drink during the day, my confidence was high. Perhaps since admitting my shortcomings, my confidence has dropped, I wish I could no why. My head doesn’t stop thinking, and I’m starting to realise how much I was using alcohol to repress my emotions, my thoughts, my fears.