Last night I reactivated the ‘Nomo‘ Sober App, I plugged in my sobriety date and realised I have only been sober for 42 days. In one way this felt good, but it reminded me that there has been 42 Sober Nights that are long and lonely, despite being surrounded by love.
I’m surrounded by love
When I identified that I have a problem with alcohol I hadn’t lost it all, in fact I have it all. I am happily married to a man who is my soul mate, I have two beautiful girls, lots of friends and family. When I look at what I have, I have no reason to b e lonely, because I am surrounded by love. Yet every-night, when the clock ticks over 6 pm, I start to feel lonely, l miss my ex-best friend that was wine and whiskey.
How are the nights lonely?
What is really strange is that prior to getting sober, I was a high functioning alcoholic, I was able to maintain hobbies, I was able to maintain work, I was creative, I was successful. Since becoming sober, I feel physically better through the day (thanks to no hangover), yet my sober nights have resulted in lost motivation.
I know that I have increased my exercise significantly, I go to the gym 4-6 times per week. But I cannot find the motivation to do the other things I loved, I can’t paint, I struggle with my writing, I struggle with anything that requires my brain. It is like my sober nights are. fog that last from the time I would have had my first drink, till I go to sleep.
The only thing that I can do during my sober nights is to watch crappy reality TV, to be honest it sucks.
What is my problem?
I am constantly asking my peers in Alcoholics Anonymous when this haze will end, when I will get back my motivation, and I struggle to get a definitive answer, some people say that alcohol withdrawal symptoms can be challenging for anywhere from 1 month to 1 year. I’ve been doing research on my nights and I think I am starting to suffer from anxiety.
I am a fanatic when it comes to research and I think that I have alcohol withdrawal anxiety. I seem to have all the symptoms, I was getting panic attacks in the first few weeks of alcohol withdrawal, now I just seem to be restless, irritable and discontent.
I struggle to know how I can treat my anxiety, I’m using exercise to try and manage it, I have thought about going on medication, I do have valium, but it’s only at nights that I need it.
I know that early days of sobriety are tough, the sober nights are lonely, but I need to keep my eye on the prize, and apparently long term sobriety will see a massive change in me, I just can’t wait till I can see that.