I’m an alcoholic and nearing 2 months sobriety and one thing that I cannot seem to shake is this depression that I have consuming my thoughts. Whilst in previous posts I’ve commented on being physically present but mentally absent from my children whilst I was drinking, in the short term this subsided, but now it’s back again. I am starting to feel like a depressed alcoholic.
It’s winter in Melbourne at the moment, the days are short, the sun is barely out, the weather is always cold and leaving the house with 2 kids under 4 is such hard work. My motivation is almost zero, I just want to lie in bed, but obviously I can’t. I just feel empty, I don’t feel good about myself but I don’t feel bad. I can’t regain my focus, I can’t regain my motivation, my mental health is suffering.
Simple tasks like unloading the dishwasher seem so hard, it’s like I am avoiding everything. I’ve started to smoke heavily, another reason I’m not going out because I don’t want to see people I know when I smell like cigarettes. But the smoking seems to subside my anxiety, but is also creating a new problem.
I am following all of the strategies that one should follow when they are depressed, I’m getting plenty of sleep (almost too much), I’m eating well, exercising and trying to keep my mind focused, but it doesn’t seem to help.
I’ve also started to take a script for an anti-depressant that I have, Zoloft (or sertraline) in a last ditch effort to help myself.
I don’t feel like I’m a risk to myself or anyone else, I don’t feel like drinking, but I just feel so flat and empty.