12 Months Sober and PREGNANT

So I have been quiet for a while and I have a special reason why… I am PREGNANT. I am a mother of two children and was pretty sure that we were done with children, especially after my journey through depression, alcoholism and recovery, but things changed.

In March, I was getting close to my 12 months sobriety and I was starting to realise I was feeling pretty happy overall in our life. My husband and I have spoken on and off about having a third child, I was pretty sure I was done and he supported that. When I was drinking and in recovery, I was pretty sure that a third baby would be a BIG MISTAKE, I knew I was right.

I know I could survive a pregnancy sober, I had done it twice before, but I also knew the day I delivered both my babies I started drinking again. I also knew the if I fell pregnant when I was vulnerable in my early recovery, I would be using the pregnancy as a crutch, and probably having a baby for the wrong reason.

So why did I change my mind? Well earlier this year I was starting to get really happy with where we were as a family, my kids are thriving, I was thriving, my husband was thriving. My husband and I started talking about whether we wanted to close the door on our family, and we decided that if we wanted to expand it, we would have a small window where it would work well to have a third child, otherwise the age gap would be too large.

So March this year, we decided to try for a baby, we gave ourselves a maximum of 3 months to try, because after then the baby would fall into the next school year. We tried for a month, and presto we fell pregnant straight away.

The moment I did the pregnancy test I was ecstatic when I saw the two lines appear, then I had a WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE MOMENT. But once I got over the shock, I have just been happy.

I’m going to try and post on this site alot more, there is so much of my journey that I want to share from the past, present and future. Whilst I am in a really good place of my life (apart from this fucking global pandemic), I am also very conscious that alcohol will always be a tempting demon in my life.

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